Full sentences, please

And commas. I would love to strangle the person who started the trend for displaying the phrase "Hello world" as a sample computer coding project. It should be "Hello, world!" Note that the phrase "Love, Dad" is not the same as "Love Dad."

Ahem. I digressed. Back to topic.

"Sentence fragment" is the term for a group of words, typically beginning with a capital letter and ending with a period, that lacks either a noun or a verb. The occasional use of a sentence fragment can add a staccato, emphatic note to your writing. But frequent use is a bit like shouting all the time, or else proves that you have not actually mastered (personed?) the language in which you write.

Examples:

He went on and on. And on.

I haven't died. Yet.

Living in central America, the constant expectation of mold and decay.

Jane stared at the tiny rose in his lapel. A deep purple rose.

The green awning, cracked in places from the sun, drooping from its supports.



Pop quiz: examples 3 and 5 are just illiterate, right? Right.

More comics

A site about publishing: www.unshelved.com. -- Rachel Holmen

Comics? Mockups?

I recently finished reading (accurately, listening to the audio book of...) Karen Joy Fowler's novel WIT'S END. One of the characters, a novelist, always creates a dollhouse of each book. It certainly might be a useful method for anyone writing a book or play to create a physical mockup of their main locales. (For that matter, part of the book's charm is the way it evokes Santa Cruz, California.)

At Foolscap, I found a business card for the "weekly web comic" www.deerme.net. Comics are another way to tell a story. (And don't miss an old but fabulous book Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud (originally McLeod) -- see publisher's website.

-- Rachel Holmen

Story within a story -- forget it

Sometimes when I would read manuscripts at MZB's Fantasy Magazine, I would find myself drawing a pencilled arrow at the start of some paragraph, often 3 pages into the story. "Story starts here," I would add. Sometimes all that nice backstory you've worked so hard on, just doesn't belong at the beginning. Start by grabbing your reader's attention. Rarely does the "story within a story" format add anything -- only if one story really DOES illuminate the other should this format be kept.

-- Rachel Holmen

Foreshadowing

I had been mulling a post about foreshadowing -- letting the reader know what's coming. It is often a rather clumsy way to heighten the tension in a story .... "John enjoyed his dinner, not knowing that disaster was waiting...."

Ho, hum.

But for some stories, the ending is known already -- familiar tales such as that of King Arthur and Guenevere. We read new novels on these themes partly to see how a new writer will interpret the old story, much as Shakespeare buffs compare different interpretations by various actors and directors.

And recently I listened to the audiobook version of "Brokeback Mountain". Thanks to its Oscar victory, I doubt there's any who doesn't have at least an inkling of the plot. But I was quite struck by the way the author begins with a skillful foreshadowing of the doom awaiting the characters. By the time the first paragraph is over, we know the story will be about the friendship between two men -- maybe even more than friendship. Since the tale might be unpleasant to some, they can shut the book, turn off the audiotape, right then, and avoid anything they might consider offensive. (And others may stop reading right after Ennis pees in the kitchen sink.) But for the rest of her readers, it simply sets the tone: this story is epic, and parts of it will be sad. Against this backdrop, the rest of the story, with its recounting of brief times spent in country high and beautiful, is highlighted and enlarged. Wow!

-- Rachel Holmen

Beginnings, Endings

I've already spoken about the importance of a good beginning -- grab the reader with something interesting right away.

This week I've been listening to an audiobook of a Tony Hillerman novel, and I've been struck by the effective way he ENDS each chapter. Sometimes it's a sentence that's a bit of a cliffhanger, sometimes something different, but often it leaves you with a lingering thought to chew on before you begin the next chapter.

-- Rachel Holmen

The Prestige

Last Friday night, I did a rare thing for me: I saw a film with friends. THE PRESTIGE is about the lifelong rivalry between two performers, and how their obsession with the rivalry wrecks their lives. The costuming seemed perfect, Nikolai Tesla was a minor character (a plus in my view), the acting was excellent (which is to say, you weren't particularly conscious of it), and the dilemma resonated long after I left the theater. I gather it's based on a Chris Priest story, yet it's hard to imagine it -- with its focus on illusion -- as anything but a film. But that's the wonderful conundrum -- every film starts with a script, and every script starts with an idea. In the end, it's the convincing idea that shapes the whole.

-- Rachel Holmen